Years ago a psychologist named John Gottman ran a study on married couples and found that he could determine the likelihood of them staying together versus getting a divorce with over 90% accuracy.
The key indicator?
Blame and criticism.
More accurately, it was the ratio of blame and criticism that the couples had in their relationship relative to the levels of appreciation that they were giving to one another.
The indicator of success:
A 5 to 1 ratio of appreciation to blame and criticism.
Maybe that seems like a lot to you.
But the research shows that is the magic number for a couple to stay together and be happy with one another.
Your relationship with yourself is very much the same.
If you have a high ratio of blame and criticism toward yourself for every appreciation you give yourself, you’re not going to be thriving for too long, especially in the game of poker.
The tricky part:
Appreciation isn’t just a thing where you write down things you like about yourself.
Gratitude journals end up in the garbage pretty quick.
It’s because “thinking” and “writing” aren’t the same as “feeling.”
An appreciation that truly lands is one that you can feel inside you.
Not an idea.
Not a concept.
And definitely not an assignment you give yourself.
A feeling––a real sensation.
When you can start to create that feeling that inside you, you’re on the path to having the type of relationship with yourself that can overcome anything.
The good times will follow.
If you want to learn how to think less and feel more, I write about these topics every day to my email list.
Come join here if you like:
Till next week,
Jason Su is the mindset and performance coach at Poker Detox and author of Poker with Presence: Unlocking the Final 15%.